¿Vivir o Sobrevivir?©

No movement, no changes... Life continues, everything goes around.
Not us, not you, not me, not tonight.

I'm so confused, my heart wants more than one thing, more than what my brain can understand. Nothing makes sense. Something feels different...


Words could be helpful if they could come out to say what I want to hear. But in reality the only words I heard that one time were the most hurtful and painful words I've ever heard. It is a crash, a harsh crash when our expectations are far from reality. In a sick way we get addicted to situations were we cannot get what we expect. What is the purpose of our imagination? It is hurtful to let it be free and then realize that we are just dreaming.
Life is about the decisions we make everyday. My biggest concerns is, have I made the right decisions? Something doesn't feel right. Somewhere in my body, somewhere inside it... there's pain.


What's next? Have I give up on the only real thing I had? Did I turn my back to the only thing that seemed to workout? Not sure, but I always feel intoxicated, drawn from the things I fight the most and once the battle is over... I feel one part of me have died with all the effort and energy invested on it.


And I just want to cry, because I always end up losing the things I love the most. If crying is healing, my whole soul should be fixed, but we know it is not that simple. The pain always remains not just in our hearts, but in our mind and everything else. How to fix ourselves when we let others hurt us?
I just want to find the right way to move on, with no regrets. Just do it and never look back.
The unknown doesn't cause fear, not right now, causes fear what I already know is going to happen.


I hate how much I love to be part of this dysfunctional world. Everything seems so unreal, I feel like I haven't open my eyes. Yesterday never happened and today... I just remember what I'm doing right now and then everything seems like a dream. Something that never happened.
Who am I? What am I doing? Why here? Why do I feel so paralyzed?

The difference between you and me is so simple and complicated at the same time. I am not saying I'm better, but I promise to do everything within my power to do better everyday of my existence in this world.


You call it CUNNING, I call it SKILLS.
You call it STUBBORNNESS, I call it DETERMINATION.
You call it JOB, I call it SERVICE.
You call it OBLIGATION, I call it RESPONSIBILITY.
You call it RELIABILITY, I call it INTEGRITY.
You call it PERFECTIONISM,  I call it EXCELLENCE.
You call it PRIDE, I call it HONOR.
You call it ASSIGNMENT, I call it DUTY.
You call it QUITTING, and I don't know how to call it... because I NEVER GIVE UP.

...therefore I am.
Each and everyday I have to remind myself why am I here, why I do the things I do and why I refuse myself to give up on simple trivial things on a daily basis. Life is too short to waste it, but my strengths and virtues will never be taken away.
I refuse myself to change who I am, to be more of the same pile of nomads without sense of life, ethical nor moral values.
I am not trying to be different, I am not claiming myself as a unique individual, but I am the very best of me and that... that fact... nobody will change it.




"-Why do you want it so badly?
  -Because they say I couldn't have it." -Man of Honor




Disclaimer:

Photo owner: http://punktapes.com/?p=13

Si dejo de sentir es por todas las veces que descubro mi corazón
destruido por algún disturbio a causa del amor.
Si dejo de sentir será por causa de tantas lágrimas derramadas
y tantas noches en vela esperando escuchar su voz.
Si dejo de sentir, pudiera arrepentirme luego,
mas no importa el ruido en el lamento si sintiendo me duele el corazón...
sé que no te tengo.
Si dejo de sentir ese latido intenso que carcome mi alma,
me llena en desprestigio por tus palabras que lapidan mis sueños.
Si dejo de sentir en luna llena, sin agua bendita, rocío de madrugada...
quisiera dejar atrás esta agonía.
Si dejo de sentir mi alma se ahogaría en la frialdad obscura de la vida.
Si dejo de sentir culparía a la sociedad y al sexo opuesto...
No quiero reproches, no quiero lágrimas, no quiero lamentos,
sólo quiero vivir sin seguir sintiendo.