Posted by : Kiarytza Mendez 07 February 2011

No movement, no changes... Life continues, everything goes around.
Not us, not you, not me, not tonight.

I'm so confused, my heart wants more than one thing, more than what my brain can understand. Nothing makes sense. Something feels different...

Words could be helpful if they could come out to say what I want to hear. But in reality the only words I heard that one time were the most hurtful and painful words I've ever heard. It is a crash, a harsh crash when our expectations are far from reality. In a sick way we get addicted to situations were we cannot get what we expect. What is the purpose of our imagination? It is hurtful to let it be free and then realize that we are just dreaming.
Life is about the decisions we make everyday. My biggest concerns is, have I made the right decisions? Something doesn't feel right. Somewhere in my body, somewhere inside it... there's pain.

What's next? Have I give up on the only real thing I had? Did I turn my back to the only thing that seemed to workout? Not sure, but I always feel intoxicated, drawn from the things I fight the most and once the battle is over... I feel one part of me have died with all the effort and energy invested on it.

And I just want to cry, because I always end up losing the things I love the most. If crying is healing, my whole soul should be fixed, but we know it is not that simple. The pain always remains not just in our hearts, but in our mind and everything else. How to fix ourselves when we let others hurt us?
I just want to find the right way to move on, with no regrets. Just do it and never look back.
The unknown doesn't cause fear, not right now, causes fear what I already know is going to happen.

I hate how much I love to be part of this dysfunctional world. Everything seems so unreal, I feel like I haven't open my eyes. Yesterday never happened and today... I just remember what I'm doing right now and then everything seems like a dream. Something that never happened.
Who am I? What am I doing? Why here? Why do I feel so paralyzed?

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